We're back together, and I have to say that I'm ecstatic about this tidbit of information. When Matt and I broke up, I was so distraught because I felt it was in wrong time; I felt we still had more length to our relationship. It was impossible for me to get over until we got back together last summer. It was relatively short-lived, but once it ended, I knew that was the end of our time together and I could get closure and move on. I did very quickly and easily. Now I feel the same thing with Johnathan. Our relationship was not supposed to end then or any time in the future. I'm ready to try this again to make of it what we were meant to.

If I am fooled again, I deserve it and will take responsibility.

How is it that all of my boyfriends cheat on me? Am I that terrible? I don't want advice. I need somebody who can listen to me without offering advice. I don't want it.

I knew my instincts were right this whole time. I just knew it.

Hola como estan :)

well, I don't have much to say, but I just wanted to throw this out there: I feel so accomplished! Paying off school, renewing my registration, bought a yoga mat, things are good! (that was really bad grammar!)

Matt has been trying to get ahold of me to which I say nay!
Things between Kevin and myself are a no-no and I am ok with that.
Matt W. (new Matt) is kind of grabbing my attention. Too bad he is in Iraq for the next 10 1/2 months. Fail

Yesterday was a fabulous DDR day! I beat scores from virtually every person who has a score on that machine including Alucard, Daniel and Robert. Good times! Yoga is helping my flexibility and in turn is helping my DDR game... LOVES it.

My job is pretty boring... Someday I'll like my job. :)

I'll start this post as I do all others (as a result of infrequent updating):  a lot of stuff going on.

I am finally no longer employed by rue21.  I work at Convergys now...  before you make judgments, consider the fact that I do much less and get paid much more...  I have no complaints.  =p

I have been talking to Matt a lot lately.  He and I have become good friends, as have Tyger and I.  Unfortunately, that didn't fare well for everybody, and let it be known that was not my intention...  Things can be looked passed, and this was avoidable, but, sadly, I suppose I am the only one who sees it that way.  At any rate, I do apologize, and I hope that she and I are not considered enemies, because all that happened recently is not my evil plot to destroy as it may seem.  Don't tell me to delete this.

I have become very credit aware as of late.  I have but one source of credit, which happens to be very new, so I still appear to have insufficient credit history...  sad times...  so I'll give it a few months and apply for a credit card later.  credit credit credit.

I love my co-workers...  they rock :-)

My sister lives here in Las Cruces now. :-)

Pez and Danny had a magic show on Saturday.  My sister was the assistant...  It's weird hearing guys cat call your sister when she is wearing your clothing on stage.  Great performance. :-)

That's all I dare to discuss now...  Maybe more later :p

One of those posts I just don't want to make private!  I just wanted the world to know that today was one of the best days I have had in like 40 million yearssssssssssssss.  I didn't even do anything specific.  I am just so happy to know that people love me and don't hate me even though I've made a million mistakes in my life, and I am just so glad that I have the best friends in the world.  Kayla is amazinggggg.  :)  I still don't really like my job very much, but who cares!  It's almost over :)  So many good conversations today.  And Matt texted me which was great.  It's always great to hear from an old friend :)  He and I are getting along better than ever...  I am so grateful, really, truly and honestly :)  

I played DDR today :)  I feel so lame because I have been playing for over three and a half years and I only just now AAed i feel on the machine today.  It's always been so hard for me lol :(  lameooooo.  anyways, I wish that like, all of my old friends were friends with me again.  Like, really way so.  :(  I take things as they come yes I do I do!  

Wow, I wish this feeling of euphoria would last forever.  I am in the best mood ever...  wow, I am amazed!  

One thing that I want to accomplish now:  taking action in my own life and stepping up to challenges...  If I don't like something, I have to learn to change it... but I stray away from these situations because they make me uncomfortable.  For example, I have been dreading stepping down at work because I know how angry and disappointed they will be...  So I delayed it and delayed it and it stressed me out...  Finally I just did it.  It was hard, but it's done.  Done done done :)  I have to do that more often :-)

ANYWAYS  -  my sister is in New Mexico for good!  Yay, my sister lives with me again :')  I am so happy...

DAMN I am so happy!!!  :)





- mich.

All of my entries are "Friends Only" now, so if you are not on my friend's list, then you are not getting the DL.

On the other hand, if we are actually friends then feel free to add me.

I would just like to have some final says, some final words, some final thoughts, and all that stuff, and I don't want anybody to think I'm emo here, because I'm seriously trying as hard as I possibly can from this point forward.

In the last two years or so, I've had stellar highs and wicked lows.  I've seen people walk in my life, and I've driven people out of my life.  I've hurt people, I've loved people, I've missed people, hated people, cried for people, laughed at people, and I have been an all around normal teenager with real teenager emotions.  

2008 has been absolutely ridiculous for many people.  I was really no exception.  Growing up I was always a really bitter person because I never got along with anybody.  I never let anybody in.  I basically magnified that in 2008.  

I blamed everybody else for my problems, my mistakes.  I fucked up peoples lives in a way that I never imagined myself capable of.  I let myself get the best of me, and I failed at a lot of things I wanted to achieve.

I've been jealous, I've been cruel, I've been an epic homewrecker and I took on this new perspective of doing unto others, but this time it was just whatever I felt like doing, rather than how I would like to be treated.

I've done things I am not proud of.  I acted way out of line and very hypocritical.  I even had a string of weekends where I would get wasted every Saturday night just because I wanted to.  I've spent too many days rollin' and way out of it and that is something I never expected to do.  It's something I still did not enjoy doing, even as I did it.

As much as I might hope, wish or even try to stop it, people come in your life and people leave.  It's something everybody has to deal with.  When you lose a friend over something that you did, it is your responsibility to try to make it work.  If you do not, you are not a good friend and do not deserve to have them in your life.  This time it was not my place to try.  I made the mistakes, but after so long you have to realize things are just better the way they are.  I have completely accepted it now, from everybody I've lost.  It's what was meant to be, and instead of making it everybody else's problems, I am doing my best to run with what I am given and better myself.

I want to be a true best friend to Kmae.  I have been so wrong and mean to her and that is one of the things I regret most.  When she needs me most, I turn my back.  She doesn't even come to me when she has a problem anymore because she says she knows I don't like to hear about her problems.  Somehow she still sticks around and is so good to me.  

I hope that someday I will be able to make up what I did to everybody I fucked with in 2008.  Two people have already forgiven me.  These people and I are friends - something I never, ever expected and I am very grateful for that.  There is a list of other people that I would like to make amends with.  Sometime in the future, I'll probably be showing up, so expect that.

I am in such an awkward place in my life right now.  It's my last teenage year, but that doesn't mean that I am miraculously cleared of teen angst when I turn 20.  That is something I have to work at.  In fact, I'm completely convinced I have to work harder than most others.  I was raised to be hostile because that's the only way my family and I could ever get by.  But I don't want that anymore.  I want to be able to be happy for myself and for others.  I do not want to be the green-eyed monster Iago warned about.  I want to do away with jealousy in my life.

I somehow want to find a way to make new friends.  It is so hard for me to open up these days.  The older I get, the more reclusive I become.  I think the last person I made an effort to befriend was Tyger however long ago, and we all know I fucked that one up hard.  But people learn from their mistakes and move on.  Now I need to find friends to whom I can be a good friend in return.  

Lately I had been just dying to move back to Florida because I was growing so sick of Las Cruces.  But in all reality, I am just sick of this mess I've made of things, and I am not moving back to Florida just yet.  I am going to stay here, finish school like a responsible person would, get another job, learn to play the game of life and do it.  

I want to do away with all of my negative feelings.  I want to be more responsible in everything I say and do and I just want to be the best person I can for 2009.

With all that said, my LiveJournal is now Friends Only, so you will no longer be able to read anything I write if you are not on my friend's list.  We'll keep it on this happy, inspirational note.  Have a great day.